Finding a Play Partner - Red Flags

Photo from davafoxx

So, I've been looking for a play partner on OkCupid and that's been ridiculously hilarious and kind of frustrating.  Anyway, I happened to see this post on FetLife and I thought I'd reproduce the list, so I could come back to it and maybe add to it.  It was compiled by M. Alan from other lists out there.  I took out the ones that seemed like "you might be in an abusive relationship if..." - because that's a whole 'nother can of worms.


BDSM Community:
• They have no BDSM references or friends you can talk to.
• They criticize the BDSM community and refuse to participate, especially if they never were part of it.
• They overemphasize the amount of experience that they have.
• They get upset with you about wanting to make a safe call on a first meeting

General Conversation:
• They find ways to put blame on others for things going wrong.
• They have bad relationships with most or all of their family members.
• They have nothing nice to say about previous partners
• They lose control of their emotions in arguments and regress to yelling, name-calling and blame.


• They will only interact with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role- playing.
• They use any form of neging.

Negotiations:
• They pressure you into doing things you do not want to do.
• They do not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts.
• They try to intimidate you.
• They expect complete submission from you, a stranger.
• On the opposite end, they say they will do anything that you, a stranger, want.
• They ignore or refuse the use of safe words.  Sorry, I'm not going to play with someone that refuses to use safe words. 

Relationship:
• They swear undying love before even meeting you.
• They instantly want to put you "Under Protection" or "In Training" or some other status.

And, of course, the biggest red flags...

Getting upset when you call them out on any of these things.

Because we all make mistakes.  When someone tells me they want to meet me for a scene first thing, or tells me they'll "Let me do anything to them," I tell them I won't do that and I think that's unsafe.  If they flip out... I just block them and move onto one of the other idiots that's messaging me asking "will u make me ur play thing??"

Jk.  I don't respond to those either.